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A Bit of Ste - Revisited
http://abitofsterevisited.wordpress.com
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Saturday, September 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Sixth sense
Well...kind of. When I go to bed, I usually lay down for a couple of minutes and I'm out. But last night I had this strong urge to check my paycheck that had went into the bank last night and found that it was short about twenty or so hours !!
I've never felt the need to have to check before but this time I just had this really strong feeling I needed to confirm. I even used avenues I'd never taken advantage of before and it all pulled together.
I contacted my boss and she's gonna take care of it. I'm just glad I caught it now and not later on in the week.
I've never felt the need to have to check before but this time I just had this really strong feeling I needed to confirm. I even used avenues I'd never taken advantage of before and it all pulled together.
I contacted my boss and she's gonna take care of it. I'm just glad I caught it now and not later on in the week.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Changes
Well, after almost a year (wow time flies)... I finally am posting in my journal again. I'm sorry to all those who were following my blog and I won't be surprised if you left me. My life got very drab, boring and I was just plain unhappy in my situation and really didn't feel like complaining in every post or reiterating things over and over because they never changed.
A new chapter in my life has started now and with it comes more freedom and hopefully more interesting things for myself. A couple of weeks ago I finally did what I've been tring to do for the last two years and that is to get enough gumption to call it quits with my beau Russ. There finally came a point where I felt I needed to make the decision to do it and it came, and I did it. It's been hard on me. In the process I've had to rely heavily on the help of my dad and sister and I'm very grateful they were and are there for me during this process even though I sort of lost connection with them in my 7 years with Russ.
I'm not going to go into why I finally broke up with Russ in big detail. Most of the reasons are in previous posts and haven't really changed. I finally just decided my situation, happiness and his personality just weren't going to change unless I did something about it. And I did. It's been a difficult process and the transition to single life hasn't been easy.
I'm definitely going to have to pick up a small part time job to make up for expenses. But i'm not too worried about that other than leaving my puppy here at my apartment for an extended amount of time.
I'm in an apartment now and have all my utilities and necessities hooked up. I still have a lot to get from Russ' but I'm not in any hurry and we're on good terms so they're not going anywhere. Although I definitely think I need to get my posters and stuff. My walls are looking very bare and it's starting to depress me.
I have been kinda seeing this one guy named George. Great guy, loving, but very needy. Kinda scary needy in a way, but his heart is in the right place though. Since moving into my new place I've not seen him as much though. And i'm sure he's noticed this. I think it's just me trying to get my roots here in my new place. I still have lots to do and most importantly I need to find my single self again before I can commit to another's life (per se)
My pup has been super anxious since the separation from her "daddy". She's almost been driving me nuts. But I hope here in the future she'll calm down. I'm living in the apartments Russ and I lived in before moving to the house. I enjoyed it there alot and so did TJ then. So I hope she finds her solace here soon.
I almost ran back to Russ a number of times before I commited myself to an apartment lease. It was either George or I who kept me from doing so. I began thinking it was a mistake. But I wasn't missing Russ. I was missing the conforts. The things I came home to and the patterns we maintained. I didn't miss him, just the act of living. And I found the patterns I was missing were the same ones I was condemning as part of my reasons to leave. Odd aye?
I think proverbial peg that finally told me I made the right decision is the fact that Russ has suppoesed to come by and help me hook up my Tivo for the last three days and has canceled on my each day. It's nothing against me I'm sure. It's just who he is and his health. I finally figured it out with his advice and suggestions...but the fact was he never came through with what he would say he was going to do...and I was always the one to have to get things done or they wouldn't.
I still love him though. But like I told him... "I still love you...but I'm not sure if I like you anymore."
I hope that doesn't sound bad...but with what i've gone through...
Anyways, I hope you...the community will take me back. Otherwise I'll just be writing to myself. Which I guess was the original point of a journal...but hey, comments and people who care are also welcome.
A new chapter in my life has started now and with it comes more freedom and hopefully more interesting things for myself. A couple of weeks ago I finally did what I've been tring to do for the last two years and that is to get enough gumption to call it quits with my beau Russ. There finally came a point where I felt I needed to make the decision to do it and it came, and I did it. It's been hard on me. In the process I've had to rely heavily on the help of my dad and sister and I'm very grateful they were and are there for me during this process even though I sort of lost connection with them in my 7 years with Russ.
I'm not going to go into why I finally broke up with Russ in big detail. Most of the reasons are in previous posts and haven't really changed. I finally just decided my situation, happiness and his personality just weren't going to change unless I did something about it. And I did. It's been a difficult process and the transition to single life hasn't been easy.
I'm definitely going to have to pick up a small part time job to make up for expenses. But i'm not too worried about that other than leaving my puppy here at my apartment for an extended amount of time.
I'm in an apartment now and have all my utilities and necessities hooked up. I still have a lot to get from Russ' but I'm not in any hurry and we're on good terms so they're not going anywhere. Although I definitely think I need to get my posters and stuff. My walls are looking very bare and it's starting to depress me.
I have been kinda seeing this one guy named George. Great guy, loving, but very needy. Kinda scary needy in a way, but his heart is in the right place though. Since moving into my new place I've not seen him as much though. And i'm sure he's noticed this. I think it's just me trying to get my roots here in my new place. I still have lots to do and most importantly I need to find my single self again before I can commit to another's life (per se)
My pup has been super anxious since the separation from her "daddy". She's almost been driving me nuts. But I hope here in the future she'll calm down. I'm living in the apartments Russ and I lived in before moving to the house. I enjoyed it there alot and so did TJ then. So I hope she finds her solace here soon.
I almost ran back to Russ a number of times before I commited myself to an apartment lease. It was either George or I who kept me from doing so. I began thinking it was a mistake. But I wasn't missing Russ. I was missing the conforts. The things I came home to and the patterns we maintained. I didn't miss him, just the act of living. And I found the patterns I was missing were the same ones I was condemning as part of my reasons to leave. Odd aye?
I think proverbial peg that finally told me I made the right decision is the fact that Russ has suppoesed to come by and help me hook up my Tivo for the last three days and has canceled on my each day. It's nothing against me I'm sure. It's just who he is and his health. I finally figured it out with his advice and suggestions...but the fact was he never came through with what he would say he was going to do...and I was always the one to have to get things done or they wouldn't.
I still love him though. But like I told him... "I still love you...but I'm not sure if I like you anymore."
I hope that doesn't sound bad...but with what i've gone through...
Anyways, I hope you...the community will take me back. Otherwise I'll just be writing to myself. Which I guess was the original point of a journal...but hey, comments and people who care are also welcome.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
What a Holiday
Just a quick note to say how my holiday went.
Saturday at my uncle's went well. We missed out last year because the message of the date and time came too late for me to request off at work. Everyone was so happy for the beau and I making it this year, although a few made it sound like it was my choice or that I did not do enough to come out. They didn't say that really, but I can sense it in the undertones of some things they said. But otherwise it was a great evening. My sister acted a fool, like always. My aunt made a wonderful meal of ham and all the fixings.
Christmas Eve we hosted a party at our new home. The beau's mother, my parents and sister, and the roomie's parents all came by and we all had a huge dinner. It was odd having all our parents there because they just seemed to be from different lifestyles and generations. I think it was a humbling experience for my dad. My parents loved the place and my dad liking it really surprised me. Usually, he's the first one with criticisms but everything out of his mouth was positive. The night ended with the roommate's boys opening all their gifts with the central gift being a game table with pool, air hockey and ping-pong options. I might just make use of that. : P
We also deep-fried our first turkey. Twas quite an experience. Went rather smoothly considering I was bombarding the beau with "what ifs." Quite tasty I have to say as well. I'm not sure I'm gonna say it was worth all the money we spent to prepare for it, but the experience did.
Christmas day we went to the beau's family dinner and it went well also. His sister's boys are growing up fast...already 19 and 21. Time flies.
We then proceeded onto my family's official dinner. Not really anything special. A decent dinner my sister made, not great...a whole lot of canned foods. The atmosphere was a complete turn-around from years past though. Everyone was in a pleasant and cheerful mood. It's usually awkward for some reason, but everything was my relaxed.
This holiday I came out with a lot of money for gifts. I'm kind of disappointed at that considering I'm probably going to be using it for bills. Bah, I'd rather get a tea-cozy or a gift card...so I don't have to feel this need to use the cash for responsible needs.
The highlight gift actually came from my dad this year. I asked for a mini-fridge for our new home and by gosh he got one. I haven't seen it yet because he didn't bring it to my mom's due to the rain. But whatever the size or shape, it will definitely be useful! We're going to run by his house sometime tomorrow with the beau's truck to pick it up.
Sorry for the quick post without a whole lot of description. I need to be heading to bed soon. Have to be at work at 4am in the morn. It's funny, the holiday decorations went up immediately after Halloween but can't stay out a hair after the 25th.
Oh wells, hope you all had a great holiday!!
Saturday at my uncle's went well. We missed out last year because the message of the date and time came too late for me to request off at work. Everyone was so happy for the beau and I making it this year, although a few made it sound like it was my choice or that I did not do enough to come out. They didn't say that really, but I can sense it in the undertones of some things they said. But otherwise it was a great evening. My sister acted a fool, like always. My aunt made a wonderful meal of ham and all the fixings.
Christmas Eve we hosted a party at our new home. The beau's mother, my parents and sister, and the roomie's parents all came by and we all had a huge dinner. It was odd having all our parents there because they just seemed to be from different lifestyles and generations. I think it was a humbling experience for my dad. My parents loved the place and my dad liking it really surprised me. Usually, he's the first one with criticisms but everything out of his mouth was positive. The night ended with the roommate's boys opening all their gifts with the central gift being a game table with pool, air hockey and ping-pong options. I might just make use of that. : P
We also deep-fried our first turkey. Twas quite an experience. Went rather smoothly considering I was bombarding the beau with "what ifs." Quite tasty I have to say as well. I'm not sure I'm gonna say it was worth all the money we spent to prepare for it, but the experience did.
Christmas day we went to the beau's family dinner and it went well also. His sister's boys are growing up fast...already 19 and 21. Time flies.
We then proceeded onto my family's official dinner. Not really anything special. A decent dinner my sister made, not great...a whole lot of canned foods. The atmosphere was a complete turn-around from years past though. Everyone was in a pleasant and cheerful mood. It's usually awkward for some reason, but everything was my relaxed.
This holiday I came out with a lot of money for gifts. I'm kind of disappointed at that considering I'm probably going to be using it for bills. Bah, I'd rather get a tea-cozy or a gift card...so I don't have to feel this need to use the cash for responsible needs.
The highlight gift actually came from my dad this year. I asked for a mini-fridge for our new home and by gosh he got one. I haven't seen it yet because he didn't bring it to my mom's due to the rain. But whatever the size or shape, it will definitely be useful! We're going to run by his house sometime tomorrow with the beau's truck to pick it up.
Sorry for the quick post without a whole lot of description. I need to be heading to bed soon. Have to be at work at 4am in the morn. It's funny, the holiday decorations went up immediately after Halloween but can't stay out a hair after the 25th.
Oh wells, hope you all had a great holiday!!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Thursday December 20th
I love when you pay for a trail/breakfast mix and what you really get is raisins with a little bit of something else tossed in there.
But anyways, I got alot of cleaning and chores finished yesterday. Everything bill-wise came to a halt with me because the beau needs to have a hand finishing them.
Financial times are going to be tough I know that much. After shelling out the large sum we needed for the deposit and prorated rent for the month last week, we only had my meager check to pay for what should have been paid last week. And I only say meager becuase my check is the one that gets all the insurance taken out of it...so it's definitely the lower of the two. *sigh*
Needless to say we're going to be living on bird crumbs. Well, really we're not because I went grocery shopping. But because I went grocery shopping we're going to be living with like nothing until the beau's next check. I had to sit and meditate after realizing what I had done. We did need the food since I had not been food shopping in ages it seems like.
On the brighter side I did get our part of the house super clean. I mopped, vacuumed, and dusted and it really didn't feel like it took all that much time. Having the actual room to get about and easily clean everything totally makes a difference versus tripping and climbing over all kinds of things trying to achieve the same.
I'm back on my regular gym schedule starting monday of this week and it feels great. The gym I moved to is not as busy as the others and so I get quality time with all my favorite machines, benches and dumbbells.
I got to be heading to work here in a second. Wish me luck in this coming week and bring me wishes of great fortune ^^
But anyways, I got alot of cleaning and chores finished yesterday. Everything bill-wise came to a halt with me because the beau needs to have a hand finishing them.
Financial times are going to be tough I know that much. After shelling out the large sum we needed for the deposit and prorated rent for the month last week, we only had my meager check to pay for what should have been paid last week. And I only say meager becuase my check is the one that gets all the insurance taken out of it...so it's definitely the lower of the two. *sigh*
Needless to say we're going to be living on bird crumbs. Well, really we're not because I went grocery shopping. But because I went grocery shopping we're going to be living with like nothing until the beau's next check. I had to sit and meditate after realizing what I had done. We did need the food since I had not been food shopping in ages it seems like.
On the brighter side I did get our part of the house super clean. I mopped, vacuumed, and dusted and it really didn't feel like it took all that much time. Having the actual room to get about and easily clean everything totally makes a difference versus tripping and climbing over all kinds of things trying to achieve the same.
I'm back on my regular gym schedule starting monday of this week and it feels great. The gym I moved to is not as busy as the others and so I get quality time with all my favorite machines, benches and dumbbells.
I got to be heading to work here in a second. Wish me luck in this coming week and bring me wishes of great fortune ^^
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Checking Your Cards
ahh... finally back into a regular pattern of living. The majority of boxed necessities have been unpacked and my life has begun to take back some normalcy.
We finished moving things about Wednesday and then spent the rest of the week up until Friday cleaning the new place. We, meaning the beau and I, the roomie only came to the house on the Wednesday. She did a lot that day but still it was kinda minuscule compared to what the beau and I ended up doing. Same thing for the moving process. But I'm not worried about that whole ordeal. We're in a better place and a better way of life. It's going to be more expensive but it definitely feels better. Both in my everyday, personal, and spiritual life.
From Friday on it's been basically me unpacking and building the beau and mine's space in the house. He dealt with the electronics and I've dealt with everything else. Which I don't mind considering it's what I like to do. I'm the one who's supposed to know where everything is and so it just makes sense.
I can't tell you how long it's been since I've felt this much personal space...well, I guess I could. Since April of last year when we moved into the small house with the roomie and the boys. Love them, but as in the words of the roomie, having everyone "on top of each other" wasn't very conducive to good feelings in the house. The whole place felt liked a brewing volcano and you all can probably relate to that with the whole meltdown the beau and I had. We almost broke up and split during our time in that house. It just goes to show that it really does depend on situation how people deal with things. In this new place, with the great open personal space that is separated from the others we are connecting much like we used to.
We may not be interacting with the roomie and the kids as much as we used to because we have the advantage of being able to close a door and still be able to enjoy anything that we want, but they have a considerable amount of control over their part of the house now too. It's now up to them how they decide to take advantage of that considering the beau isn't there to make a considerable impact on most of it. The roomie confided to me that she is happy with the move so I'm confident that everything is all well.
Our pup, T.J., couldn't be happier. A wide expanse of land to run around in and without the need for scolding. She has a large expanse of area to run and play and explore and I don't have to worry about her running into the road or someone's yard. So nice.
Tonight became a "Survivor: China" finale party for me. This has been my favorite season since "Cook Islands". I am SO happy Todd won, he totally deserved it. If I were in his shoes I would have played it the same exact way. I'm the smallest and I wouldn't be winning too many physical challenges. He played the mental and game portion to the T and I commend him for that. I'm a kindred spirit and wish Todd well.
I am just so thrilled to be able to start my everyday activities again. I can go back to my regular workout schedule and not the sporadic one I've been working with since beginning the move. I can come straight home and not have to worry about going to the other place to load, pack or clean. I don't have to worry about calling places to change my address or let multitudes of people know where they can find me.
It's a good feeling. And from the great energy I'm feeling from the place, I believe we'll be here for a long time. The beau and I have had the best energy between us and I've actually been able to reach a state of calm that I have not been able to reach for a very long time. My mind has been able to focus and free itself of all outside distractions. It's been very hard to that with an 8 and 9 year old moping, whining and complaining.
I'm thankful for this place and how it's changed my life and outlook in such a short amount of time. Alot of times it just proves that it may not be your relationship at odds, just the situation you are in. Make sure to look at all your cards before you play them. ^^
We finished moving things about Wednesday and then spent the rest of the week up until Friday cleaning the new place. We, meaning the beau and I, the roomie only came to the house on the Wednesday. She did a lot that day but still it was kinda minuscule compared to what the beau and I ended up doing. Same thing for the moving process. But I'm not worried about that whole ordeal. We're in a better place and a better way of life. It's going to be more expensive but it definitely feels better. Both in my everyday, personal, and spiritual life.
From Friday on it's been basically me unpacking and building the beau and mine's space in the house. He dealt with the electronics and I've dealt with everything else. Which I don't mind considering it's what I like to do. I'm the one who's supposed to know where everything is and so it just makes sense.
I can't tell you how long it's been since I've felt this much personal space...well, I guess I could. Since April of last year when we moved into the small house with the roomie and the boys. Love them, but as in the words of the roomie, having everyone "on top of each other" wasn't very conducive to good feelings in the house. The whole place felt liked a brewing volcano and you all can probably relate to that with the whole meltdown the beau and I had. We almost broke up and split during our time in that house. It just goes to show that it really does depend on situation how people deal with things. In this new place, with the great open personal space that is separated from the others we are connecting much like we used to.
We may not be interacting with the roomie and the kids as much as we used to because we have the advantage of being able to close a door and still be able to enjoy anything that we want, but they have a considerable amount of control over their part of the house now too. It's now up to them how they decide to take advantage of that considering the beau isn't there to make a considerable impact on most of it. The roomie confided to me that she is happy with the move so I'm confident that everything is all well.
Our pup, T.J., couldn't be happier. A wide expanse of land to run around in and without the need for scolding. She has a large expanse of area to run and play and explore and I don't have to worry about her running into the road or someone's yard. So nice.
Tonight became a "Survivor: China" finale party for me. This has been my favorite season since "Cook Islands". I am SO happy Todd won, he totally deserved it. If I were in his shoes I would have played it the same exact way. I'm the smallest and I wouldn't be winning too many physical challenges. He played the mental and game portion to the T and I commend him for that. I'm a kindred spirit and wish Todd well.
I am just so thrilled to be able to start my everyday activities again. I can go back to my regular workout schedule and not the sporadic one I've been working with since beginning the move. I can come straight home and not have to worry about going to the other place to load, pack or clean. I don't have to worry about calling places to change my address or let multitudes of people know where they can find me.
It's a good feeling. And from the great energy I'm feeling from the place, I believe we'll be here for a long time. The beau and I have had the best energy between us and I've actually been able to reach a state of calm that I have not been able to reach for a very long time. My mind has been able to focus and free itself of all outside distractions. It's been very hard to that with an 8 and 9 year old moping, whining and complaining.
I'm thankful for this place and how it's changed my life and outlook in such a short amount of time. Alot of times it just proves that it may not be your relationship at odds, just the situation you are in. Make sure to look at all your cards before you play them. ^^
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