Why I Love "The Biggest Loser"

Here lately I've been watching a lot of the previous seasons of "The Biggest Loser" thanks to the .Style cable channel. I had watched the last two seasons and was happy to see some previous seasons.

The first and main reason I enjoy the show is because it just fills me with wonder and pride when people are doing things to better themselves for their health and their appearance. The hard work and effort the trainers put in as well as the will and determination all these folks do to lose the weight that is killing our society now.

It almost makes me cry each time they all go to the weigh in and lose the weight. Also seeing them come to the realizations that they do have control over their body and how they can lose weight...just taking those initial drastic steps to move forward is the hardest. I applaud this show because it really is an inspiration to the world of reality tv and many many americans out there who are overweight. You can improve yourself, just take the initiative! Our American society doesn't have to carry this overweight burden that we've come to adopt.

Believe me, I don't have anything against extra weight, just the notion that you're helpless against your weight (with the exception of those folks who are disabled or unable to take the proper physical route by certain medical needs).

The second reason I love "The Biggest Loser" is because of Bob Harper (the trainer for the Blue Team). Not only is he hot, but he is compassionate, empathetic and very much a source of inspiration for people who want to be fit. He may not be straight business like some trainers, but he deals with his people on an emotional and motivational level first and then deals in the physical realm. He is a physical and motivational inspiration to me and I adore him.



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In other news today, it was Melissa's last day today and I'm so sad to see her go. She was one of a couple of folks I held to the same kind of intellectual level as myself. Kaitlin being the other and she left for grad school last week as well ><.

I spent all day today reworking the men's department and believe me, after the spin class and tubing yesterday if my leg's weren't sore, they sure are now. I was moving a ton of fixtures all day. It was very satisfying. There's nothing like feeling you put in a full day of work that makes a difference...or at least makes a standing impact. As I am typing this, my legs are soooooo sore. *crossing fingers* I can move tomorrow. Night all!

Five girls, a guy and Some Tubes

Getting up never felt so good this morning. I was so ready to go out with the girls today to the tubing place!

Just a note, I have never tubed down a body of water in my life. I'm not a great swimmer and I can't tread water very well at all and so I've always avoided doing anything aquatic, especially if there's a hint that the water may get deep. But I wanted to do this and I wanted to push myself to get past my boundaries and fears. I let the girls know about my apprehension and Melissa and Megan admitted to being great swimmers and would help me out if needed... so fear be gone!

We met at work at about 9:15am, made a quick run for food, sunblock and mixer for the rum Andrea brought of course(yum!). After another brief stop to pick me up some water shoes after I realized everyone else had them and that it would probably be in my best interest to pick up a pair considering all I had were my slides...we were on our way.

Took us about an hour to get to the National Park area and find the place where we could rent our tubes. I'm so glad they had the tubes with the covered bottom...such a relief for me after I realized how low the water had gotten during this drought and all the rocks aching to get a shot at nailing my poor bum.

We made the trip up and down the river a total of three times and it was a blast. When we first got in, it was real slow going and we're sitting there thinking..."this is it?" We then get to the point where it sort of splits off and have to make a left into this little bit of rapids and this is where the fun started! Tracy was screaming her head off and holding onto Andrea like no tomorrow. Megan kept getting stuck on the rocks and I got slung around like a rag doll! lol Samantha and Melissa just blew threw like it was nothing everytime!

There was this little wading area just after the rapids where we collected ourselves and made our trek back up. During the last trip we just sat in our tubes and just talked about everything from politics to work gossip. It was funny earlier today Andrea had picked up a big mug called a "Bubba Jug" (don't ask me I had no clue they existed or went by that name lol) and she was chugging juice and rum. She was hilarious but also surprised me a few times with her political thoughts. I didnt know she had it in her.

Sadly though, there weren't any real cute guys out today. There was one guy who was built pretty but not my type. Great body though if you like them with a bit of meat on their bones. ^^

All in all it was a very fun day and better yet, I didn't die, drown or burn! Heck yeah!

All the sun is gonna make me freckle a bit though.


Fav quote of the day - (On Tracy's conversation dealing with her trying to get pregnant and it not happening)

"As long as you're getting it and he's not pulling out...you're good."

My first Spin

Today started out to be a grand day. Work went effortless, finishing up the rest of the markdowns in the remaining five departments. Helped out Tyler a bit with his moves and then went to the gym. Had a great workout.

I had decided to combine my upper and lower body workouts into one day for the next couple of weeks. I'd also been wanting to get into a spin cycle class to get my aerobic exercise that i've sadly been missing. I saw a class going on but was apprehensive going in because I didn't want to get over my head. So instead of taking that plunge I went and asked a trainer about the classes and he found me a beginner class which ironically started right after the one currently going. So I ran and got something to eat and then eagerly joined the class.

I have to say this is most I've ever sweated, and I mean EVER. Just to show how much, I had a natural disposition that I just don't sweat all that much and I was pouring by the time class ended. I definitely got my ass kicked and I'm glad I did and I want to do it again next week. I felt very good about it and my body.

Here in a day or two I want to post a pic of myself to track my progress and to give me a ton more incentive to work harder on the body that I want. My upper body is coming together now, my lower body has always been there, now it's time to emphasize my midsection and aerobic exercise. I've got a mini-belly that I soooo want to get rid of. Mind you I'm 5'3" 120lbs (just on the bottom edge of what my average weight should be), so I'm underweight if anything...just 5 years of doing nothing with Russ has took it's toll. The one thing clubbing did for me was keep me dancing and my stomach flat and I lost that sitting at home.

The gym brings the same pleasure for me and I'm so glad at that.

I came home after all that and Jen let me know she had talked to some lady at her workplace about me and my signing (however rusty it may be right now) and that she'd like to talk to me about "business prospects". This is very exciting for me considering I'm very uncertain of whether I want to continue on in retail... especially now that the position I was gunning for has been canned.

I'm pretty intimidated because I am very rusty technically and receptively. But at the very least I hope to gain some insight on what I need to do to get myself out there and doing what it is I want to do...which is sign interpreting. I jusdt need to buckle down and study more but I will definitely give this lady a call. Hopefully things will work out for me.

*crosses fingers*

Now to the bad part of the night...Russ. His back is killing him, and of course he decides to drown himself in liquor. He seems to call it a painkiller even though he is still hurting, just a bit more numb to it. Sigh...I spent the whole night dodging and softening conversations, trying to keep myself from having to deal with a drunken argument. I told him when I first came in that he needed to hold off on the drink and he "cordially" declined. So I knew it was going to be a long night. I was embarrassed to let Jenny and the boys see him in this way. I know the boys really didn't make too much sense...but I knew Jenny knew and that saddens me.

The saddest part is I have no control over what he does. What Russ wants is what Russ gets and by gosh if you disagree, I've tried and it just leads to argument. I just let him fly nowadays. I'm making myself happy first.

But tomorrow is a Wednesday with the girls from work. Apparently we're going tubing so I'll see how that all goes. Should be fun and hopefully I'll see alot of hot guys!

Please...please let there be hot guys!

Hail the flip-flop!

Boo my first closing shift in ages but it went pretty quickly. I kept busy all day working with alot of the merchandising specialist responsibilities now that Tyler has to deal with the supervisor side of his logistics promotion.

It seems that anyone with position seems to think the Visual Merchandising position is going to be disappearing since Tyler vacated it, and that's a sad thing. I really would have like taking that position and I would have fought for it like no other. When I talked to my GM about the whole ordeal she said that even if it technically is getting dismissed she's probably going to still fill that position even if it's not a true promotion with pay increase. Like a dope I told her I would take it if it meant I could be gearing for a supervisor/management position.

Truth is I'm not even sure I want to take a management position. I like to get things done but I like to be the one getting it done. I don't do so well at guiding others. I've got to be in the action getting my hands dirty to feel like I've gotten everything I want done. But it was nice to take a break from my promotions gig to do some of the merchandising gig today. It felt good, like when I used to be the Women's department lead years ago. Jess was talking like I'd be helping out with it alot more in the near future too as well as Andrea. So that's definitely a good thing to add under my belt. I'll definitely be a busy person and that's the way I should be. I just wish it would vanquish my pay cap and validate me a raise of some sort. That cap is so frustrating.

Now onto my flip-flops. Yes flip-flops! And I don't mean the nice ones that will last for years and years. I'm talking about the main ones we sell.



I know these little guys are cheap and come in so many different colors to match any kind of wardrobe, but it still boggles me that people wear and buy these things in bulk. When I spend money on shoes I like know that I can have them for years and that they're going to be comfortable. These things are like wearing pieces of cork strapped to your feet, or at least I would imagine them to be if I were to ever be brave/stupid enough to wear them.

They just get all groddy and nasty as they get wore and your foot/toe impressions dig into it with dirt highlights. The perfect way to impress the date is to slip out of your generic flip-flop to highlight the nastiness they incure in only a couple of weeks of wear. I mean I know they're cheap and versatile but by gosh it would seem comfort and style would mean something before getting these things. I rang out a few customers today and they were buying them in droves. Good for business and believe me I'm not complaining about that but omg it boggles me that they're so popular.

I tried out a pair once just to see what the big deal was. I bought a brown pair and proceeded to try to wear them around the house. It was like a thick piece of cardboard on my feet and the thong between my toes was killing me. I ended up tossing them. And so I guess I'll just never see the appeal of these things. I guess I'll stick to my slides and enjoy their comfort and versatility. All hail the flip-flop!

He does still like me! (maybe) :P

It's tax-free weekend in Tennessee at the moment and for the past day or so it seemed like noone was phased or enthused about it. We planned scheduling around it so we had a great number of folks but we were almost dead yesterday. Today was a totally different story. We were slamming like nothing and hopefully we finally made our sales goal. Not that it's of any importance to my life considering I hate to live by the numbers. I just wanted a nice tie-in to what I really wanted to write about.

During all this deal I was helping get fitting room merchandise back presentable and returned to the sales floor and I got to work briefly with the oh-so-hot Greg. The one guy at work I would crumble for.

INTRODUCTION: Greg - Beautiful young man, probably 20ish... I haven't really asked his age yet but he's taking college classes. Shaggy black hair (with red patches, on purpose nonetheless), very well proportioned, probably around 5'6". Emo comes to mind when I think of his style...but he isn't as "extreme" as what we usually think as emo, but it gives you an indication of his look and feel.

Just a brief history. My fashion is still very similar to his although I used to have the haircut to match. I was growing it out very much like Milo Ventimiglia and was very close to matching it.

Greg and I got along well and talked rather frequently and I enjoyed being close to him.

Then a great mistake loomed over all. Russ silently wanted my hair back short and when I went in to get my sides and back cleaned up a bit I made a rash decision to cut it all off like Russ likes. Part of me wanted to see if it was the drastic change in hairstyle which may have contributed to the recent arguments and lack of "play time". It looked good but I didn't feel like ... me...like I went from me to someone without an identity.

Anyways, when I came to work after my haircut (and what felt like losing my identity) I sort of strayed from talking with Greg. All of a sudden I felt my connection to him was lost and I stupidly felt awkward around him. Like I was a different person than the one he knew. I knew it was unfounded and probably very wrong but my social anxiety kicked in. It made me think that Greg saw me as a different person now, not a person like him. And that ultimately he wouldn't talk with me. I regretted changing myself.

Then, today we were brought together to do some processing and we really began talking again...just like previous times. Granted, we always seem to talk about his academics...but he seems very comfortable talking with me about it. The look in his eyes feels like I'm the only one he really talks academics with... or so I'd like to think.

It was a good day. I learned that Greg would still talk to me and in an interested manner.

He is just too beautiful. Long hair i just want to latch onto...beautiful chest emphasized by form fitting shirts...hands tender, but very strong in their grasping...yum, so beautiful.

Granted right now I have a slight buzz (and forgive any misspellings, I'll reread soon and hopefully edit them all out) but talking with him really made my day again. Even though he is straight (at least in practice at the moment), it really made me enjoy this day so much more.

Thanks all for listening to my ramblings tonight. It's kinda random and not very well written. Most of my thoughts are based on emotion and random thoughts about the boy that drives me wild in my life outside of my relationship. Anyways, night all and here's hoping this makes sense ^^

Silently Forgiven but Not Forgotten

Today was kinda alright. Work was very slow although we planned for it being extremely busy. Hopefully tomorrow will go by quicker. Nothing of note really happened tonight although Russ apologized profusely about what happened last night without any kind of leading. He sincerely thought he was too rash with me which i undoubtedly told him he was. I never said, "it's okay...or you're forgiven" because I'm not sure right now if I want to give that to him. THis really hurt me and I don't want those words to be a bandaid that's soon forgotten. If i'm gonna open myself up to him by gosh he needs to prove that to me. He did surprise me with his apologies, but I will definitely see where the future lies.

Tomorrow I will have a talk with him about his temperance again. He seems to have forgotten his personal commitments since moving in the new place, and also with pulling some extra hours. He's been blasted the last few nights and personally I'm embarrassed Jenny (our roommate with the two boys) has to see him in this way on a nightly basis. I won't express that last part to him, but I will see about getting him back on track with his liking of the drink.

Anyways, have a good night all and by gosh I hope Rosie moves on the greatness wherever she goes!

Jekyll or Hyde (forgive me if i'm mispelling)

Mmmm.. Popcorn.

Tis what I'm munching on as I consider how to type out the current book I have to write.

(edit...I wrote these lines above much earlier in the day when I was pondering how and what to write)..

A ton of life changes have came about and Russ keeps giving me more reasons to dislike him everyday. I am a very forgiving person...I am a very self-sacrificing person...I try my hardest to make this man happy but he always finds fault with something. I literally almost hate him at this point. I try so hard...and things just never seem to be enough. I always seem to be just short of what he's looking for and he's so particular about things that it just blows up in my face all the time. I'm ready to just curl up in a corner and say, "you just do everything because I screw things up."

We just got through with a move. We got a house together with a friend of ours and her two little boys and we had our cable service changed over. For the past 3+ years we recieved "extra" channels courtesy of the guys who hooked us up (gosh knows why). The guy who hooked us up here didn't give us the extra channels like the last two and Russ of course had a fit, even though the years before was really a courtesy we can't really argue with considering we were getting extra channels without paying. So we decide to get the extra channels back and get them hooked up. The guy comes today and hooks up a box and a new remote for the new channels (for the previous years it was just a switch flip it seemed, but this is the actual "business-type maneuver"), allowing for other services and a program guide which i thought was pretty nifty.

Russ comes home, finds out there's a new remote, and that...omigosh...the channels change a bit slower when flipping (even though there's a freaking guide to look through now). "It's not what [he] wants!" he keeps screaming. What the hell ever, what you wanted was the stations back and by hell we got them. How was i the hell to know that this wasn't going to fit into your world. That waiting a freaking quarter of a second later during a channel scan was going to set you off. I'm almost done.

The main reason i made this move with him was because I won't have a lease in this new place and so I won't feel tied to the place if I don't feel tied to him anymore. And since I've bought my new vehicle with my bonds I don't have any ties to a vehicle as well. I love him, I swear I do...I just don't know if I can live with him anymore. He is just aggravating, annoying, unhappy and I've been crying a helluva lot lately, tonight not being an exception. It started out so well too.

There's just a part of me that keeps believing the old Russ will emerge. I see him every once in a while, and these last 4 days prior he was his old self lately. Since we moved here though his temperence we worked on has gone kaput and I just don't know anymore.

I thought we were over the stupid, petty arguments...

I originally didn't intend for my first post in this long while to be so negative. I was thinking up this grand post about my new car, the new house, the backyard by beautiful puppy can play in, the opportunity of being able to take on dad-like responsibilities, our relationship getting back on track...

...but as in any situation, the drama seems to take precedence. It's how so many poets and writers gave their best works...not by writing about what's right, but what's wrong. I think we're inherit to just have a need to spill these things out into words. When I'm happy I never have this need to write, but by gosh when everything's wrong and i have the opportunity...you better believe I'm writing.

As far as I'm concerned at this moment I'm looking after myself.

Thank you everyone who's reading these. I appreciate any thoughts or just the thought of a readership. I promise I will be more frequent. It will be a happy destraction.

Thought of the day: "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader" is coming off my Tivo. This show has more bad karma for me than anything. Anytime we freaking watch this show we always end in an argument (guess what we were watching tonight...). He may catch it on me later and then get pissed but the way I see it, it may save us a few arguments.