Today was a pretty decent day. Work was stressful, big shipments and I've spent eons working in the Men's department. I literally could feel the stress on my body today. Not that I'm overexerting myself, just pushing myself to some limits to which I've predisposed myself. I'm not totally sure I'll make it through holiday unscathed and in one mental piece but I'll make it. I practiced centering myself thoughout the day and especially on the way home. I hate leaving without the feeling of completion, and I didn't get done what I wanted today.
The high point of the day was taking the roomie and her boys out to see the actual insides of the house and see how it played out with her. She was very highspirited and enthusiastic about the move and if anything we may be moving by month's end. Her workload is going to be increasing around December through January and if we're doing it she wants it to be soon.
Exciting and scary at the same time, considering we just moved to this place in April. But there is also a great concensus that we all feel more comfortable with this place. I was smitten and comfortable from the beginning, even before seeing the inside. The beau has the same feeling as I and the roomie feels very good and comfortable with the place and the possibilities it has. She mentioned that she has never felt comfortable yet in our current place, which is the same way the beau and I feel. Really we've had our worst feuds (and really our only, heck we almost separated ways here, which has never happened before) in this place. I won't be sad to see it go.
The new place is going to be more expensive but hopefully in the end it'll be all worth it. I think it will. So at this point it's pretty much a definite. I might as well start packing and tying up the ends here on this place.
It'll be nice.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
A Rush of Emotion
Today was a day off for me. I slept in till 1ish and I felt very good when I awoke. Spent about an hour and ahalf online messing around in the bedroom and then needed to take TJ out to relieve herself.
As soon as I opened the door, this rush of negativity seemed to hit me. I'm not sure what it was but it was rough. After taking the puppy out I decided I needed to get away from here for now. I needed to pick up a journal and some drink anyway, so I made a hasty departure.
I ran some errands and for the most part caught my balance again. But it seemed this sadness crept into me. My chest was heavy and I felt like I was on the verge of tears for much of the rest of the day. There was a point where I was singing along with some Maroon 5 lyrics and literally almost busted out the tears.
I don't know what it was, but it got me. Overall it was an alright day though. I felt like I have gotten/am getting alot of things done although the checkbook balancing still needs to be done...but the beau is on the comp anyway.
Started studying Oberon Zell's book today and the handwritten journal I've started to keep seems to be permanent versus the online journals I've been working with. Handwriting it versus typing seems to be more fluid and solid. More emotive and meaningful in a way. Once you write something down with ink, it's still there no matter how much you scribble it out. A lot of power in the written word.
As soon as I opened the door, this rush of negativity seemed to hit me. I'm not sure what it was but it was rough. After taking the puppy out I decided I needed to get away from here for now. I needed to pick up a journal and some drink anyway, so I made a hasty departure.
I ran some errands and for the most part caught my balance again. But it seemed this sadness crept into me. My chest was heavy and I felt like I was on the verge of tears for much of the rest of the day. There was a point where I was singing along with some Maroon 5 lyrics and literally almost busted out the tears.
I don't know what it was, but it got me. Overall it was an alright day though. I felt like I have gotten/am getting alot of things done although the checkbook balancing still needs to be done...but the beau is on the comp anyway.
Started studying Oberon Zell's book today and the handwritten journal I've started to keep seems to be permanent versus the online journals I've been working with. Handwriting it versus typing seems to be more fluid and solid. More emotive and meaningful in a way. Once you write something down with ink, it's still there no matter how much you scribble it out. A lot of power in the written word.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
What I Deserve
It's funny the lessons that you can be shown and the circumstances in which they arise.
I had a pretty fulfulling day at work. I was finally able to put other things aside and actually do the job that I was prescirbed. After so many weeks of only being able to half do it, the process felt good. It only took a major move to make it necessary but I'm not complaining.
The biggest part of today though happened later in the evening...after I had watched "America's Most Smartest Model" and finished off with "Desperate Housewives."
When I came home, I ate dinner with the beau and watched whatever it was the beau was watching and enjoyed it with him. After dinner, I moved over to my viewing spot and watched my Tivo'd "Smartest Model" and then proceeded to do some reading online. I watched the mandatory "Housewives" and then went to the bedroom to do some reading. Since I've been away from the Craft for so many years I really needed time to read and gather my sensibilities about me. Not sure if that makes sense, but it allows me to to reconfirm ties I once had and connections I'd forgotten.
But anyways, my last hour before bed I was wanting to read. I go into the bedroom, light up some incense and start to cue up some ambient music on Itunes Radio. Even when I was in college these two things really allowed me to focus whenever I was studying.
The beau then comes into the bedroom and states that he's going to bed. I think that's alright because he's come into the room before with the same request while I was reading and he'd just lay down and go to sleep and I'd continue on my deed till I finished it.
Just a note, because of the person I am I like to keep a "to do list" in my head of things I want to get done before I'll give myself the privelage of sleeping. I'd done everything up to this point other than my reading.
So... I lit the incense and I was cueing up the music and he comes out of the bathroom and says that's it's alright if I'm reading but "this has to go." Indicating the overhead light. The only other light source in the room is the parlor light next to his side of the bed and so this makes reading in the room that much harder if not impossible.
Then he says..."or you can just go to bed with me." And I'm umm..."no, I'm reading." This is what I want to be doing this later and I'm doing it. I pick up my incense and book and move into the now empty living room.
I sit down, set up my music, incense and open my book. The puppy then begins to look at me with those big puppy eyes and begins to whine. A sure indication she needs to go out. I'd only taken her out maybe 2 hours ago and so now I'm frustrated.
I take her out and really am treating her like the warden bringing their prisoner out for a mandatory respite out to civilization. I stand on the porch with my flashlight and lightly scold her for not getting on the grass immediately and then I catch myself and stop to think.
I know I've just been inconvenienced a couple of times in the last hour or so....but why take it out on them...they're in their rights. It is 11pm and the beau needs to be up in the morning, so it's probably best that the lights are off for him...and the pup hasn't #2'd for me all day, maybe it's that time... (and it was).
I just had to get over myself and what I think I deserve versus what it is going on with the people and animals I love around me.
I spent so much time later in my relationship with the beau concentrating on what I've sacrificed on my part for our relationship, that sometimes I concentrate too hard on regaining it and forget the responsibilities and courtesies that still need to be expressed in a relationship. Even with my puppy.
I've been blessed these few weeks with insights. Whether they're from myself being more open or a cordial slap to the face by the Goddess, I have recognized where I'm at fault just now.
I may have sacrificed parts of my former life, but I can't forget that I share a life with other individuals and to deny them their general wishes because I'm trying to ragain my past is not right of me. i need to make better use of my time so that I can get my "list" done and still accomodate the basic wishes of those around me.
I had a pretty fulfulling day at work. I was finally able to put other things aside and actually do the job that I was prescirbed. After so many weeks of only being able to half do it, the process felt good. It only took a major move to make it necessary but I'm not complaining.
The biggest part of today though happened later in the evening...after I had watched "America's Most Smartest Model" and finished off with "Desperate Housewives."
When I came home, I ate dinner with the beau and watched whatever it was the beau was watching and enjoyed it with him. After dinner, I moved over to my viewing spot and watched my Tivo'd "Smartest Model" and then proceeded to do some reading online. I watched the mandatory "Housewives" and then went to the bedroom to do some reading. Since I've been away from the Craft for so many years I really needed time to read and gather my sensibilities about me. Not sure if that makes sense, but it allows me to to reconfirm ties I once had and connections I'd forgotten.
But anyways, my last hour before bed I was wanting to read. I go into the bedroom, light up some incense and start to cue up some ambient music on Itunes Radio. Even when I was in college these two things really allowed me to focus whenever I was studying.
The beau then comes into the bedroom and states that he's going to bed. I think that's alright because he's come into the room before with the same request while I was reading and he'd just lay down and go to sleep and I'd continue on my deed till I finished it.
Just a note, because of the person I am I like to keep a "to do list" in my head of things I want to get done before I'll give myself the privelage of sleeping. I'd done everything up to this point other than my reading.
So... I lit the incense and I was cueing up the music and he comes out of the bathroom and says that's it's alright if I'm reading but "this has to go." Indicating the overhead light. The only other light source in the room is the parlor light next to his side of the bed and so this makes reading in the room that much harder if not impossible.
Then he says..."or you can just go to bed with me." And I'm umm..."no, I'm reading." This is what I want to be doing this later and I'm doing it. I pick up my incense and book and move into the now empty living room.
I sit down, set up my music, incense and open my book. The puppy then begins to look at me with those big puppy eyes and begins to whine. A sure indication she needs to go out. I'd only taken her out maybe 2 hours ago and so now I'm frustrated.
I take her out and really am treating her like the warden bringing their prisoner out for a mandatory respite out to civilization. I stand on the porch with my flashlight and lightly scold her for not getting on the grass immediately and then I catch myself and stop to think.
I know I've just been inconvenienced a couple of times in the last hour or so....but why take it out on them...they're in their rights. It is 11pm and the beau needs to be up in the morning, so it's probably best that the lights are off for him...and the pup hasn't #2'd for me all day, maybe it's that time... (and it was).
I just had to get over myself and what I think I deserve versus what it is going on with the people and animals I love around me.
I spent so much time later in my relationship with the beau concentrating on what I've sacrificed on my part for our relationship, that sometimes I concentrate too hard on regaining it and forget the responsibilities and courtesies that still need to be expressed in a relationship. Even with my puppy.
I've been blessed these few weeks with insights. Whether they're from myself being more open or a cordial slap to the face by the Goddess, I have recognized where I'm at fault just now.
I may have sacrificed parts of my former life, but I can't forget that I share a life with other individuals and to deny them their general wishes because I'm trying to ragain my past is not right of me. i need to make better use of my time so that I can get my "list" done and still accomodate the basic wishes of those around me.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Quick Note
I just wanted to get a note out and say that I'm sorry for being WAY behind in my blog reading! It's just been constant stuff here. The beau has been so active this week that it's throwing off my routines lol, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.
We took the roomie and the boys out to see the house. Not exactly sure how she feels about it just yet but I think it went alright. The guy who owns the house is out-of-town at the moment...so no key. We still couldn't see the inside too well, but at least it was daylight this time round and we got a better idea of the layout and what some of the rooms looked like. I still have a very bright outlook about the place.
My foot seems to be MUCH better and so YAY, back to the gym tomorrow!
Now off to reading blogs!
We took the roomie and the boys out to see the house. Not exactly sure how she feels about it just yet but I think it went alright. The guy who owns the house is out-of-town at the moment...so no key. We still couldn't see the inside too well, but at least it was daylight this time round and we got a better idea of the layout and what some of the rooms looked like. I still have a very bright outlook about the place.
My foot seems to be MUCH better and so YAY, back to the gym tomorrow!
Now off to reading blogs!
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
No Place Like Home
It's really funny how things work out sometimes.
As you all know, currently my beau and I are sharing a 3BR house with a friend and her two boys. It belongs to a friend of the roommate's and he's turned out to be a bigger hindrance than originally we had planned. Complaining if the grass is a little overgrown or if there's more vehicles in the driveway than he would like to be there. We know it's his right to oversee things, but the beau and I came into this situation thinking he was an "easygoing" guy (per the roomie). And he's even surprised her.
During this last "warning" (which is the first), the Gods would have it that a friend/co-worker of my beau's has a ranch house to rent-to-own and wants to fill before the winter comes. This wasn't just a happenstance, the co-worker actually seeked my beau out and asked him about it. The beau wasn't so sure about it upon seeing some pictures, but with the freshly drawn image of having to move his precious old Ford truck because the landlord thinks it's "been sitting there for weeks and needs to be gone"... decided to ask me if I wanted to take a look at the place, and I said sure. I'm not thrilled with the idea of moving again, nor moving again AND sharing a space with kids again. But I was open.
We went out there and let me tell you it was like the Goddess was whispering in my ear. It's a decent size rancher house. We only got to see the outside for now as the beau didn't have a key yet.
There's a long wrap-around COVERED porch around the front door. Nice and secluded in location with trees all around and plenty of lush greenery. Lots of open area and I could just ENVISION making myself an outdoor space at the northface of the yard. It makes me giddy, teary, and almost nervous at the same time. Standing on the deck and looking out at all the nature just FELT right. Like this was where I was meant to be.
My empathetic side tends to get the best of me at times and if the beau knew how desperately I want the place now for that alone he would snap it up in a heartbeat. But we haven't seen the inside yet...so, I explained how I really do like it (which is much more than what I gave for the place we're currently in), which surprised and pleased him.
There's only a couple of things from the outside that seem to be fixer-uppers but they're very easy to fix. There's an overgrowth of ivy around the front steps and the wood for the steps needs to be replaced.
Tomorrow hopefully the beau will be able to pick up a key and be able to take a look at the place itself. Right now I am REALLY hoping this place works out for all because it really feels right to me. *crossing fingers* Wish me luck!
As you all know, currently my beau and I are sharing a 3BR house with a friend and her two boys. It belongs to a friend of the roommate's and he's turned out to be a bigger hindrance than originally we had planned. Complaining if the grass is a little overgrown or if there's more vehicles in the driveway than he would like to be there. We know it's his right to oversee things, but the beau and I came into this situation thinking he was an "easygoing" guy (per the roomie). And he's even surprised her.
During this last "warning" (which is the first), the Gods would have it that a friend/co-worker of my beau's has a ranch house to rent-to-own and wants to fill before the winter comes. This wasn't just a happenstance, the co-worker actually seeked my beau out and asked him about it. The beau wasn't so sure about it upon seeing some pictures, but with the freshly drawn image of having to move his precious old Ford truck because the landlord thinks it's "been sitting there for weeks and needs to be gone"... decided to ask me if I wanted to take a look at the place, and I said sure. I'm not thrilled with the idea of moving again, nor moving again AND sharing a space with kids again. But I was open.
We went out there and let me tell you it was like the Goddess was whispering in my ear. It's a decent size rancher house. We only got to see the outside for now as the beau didn't have a key yet.
There's a long wrap-around COVERED porch around the front door. Nice and secluded in location with trees all around and plenty of lush greenery. Lots of open area and I could just ENVISION making myself an outdoor space at the northface of the yard. It makes me giddy, teary, and almost nervous at the same time. Standing on the deck and looking out at all the nature just FELT right. Like this was where I was meant to be.
My empathetic side tends to get the best of me at times and if the beau knew how desperately I want the place now for that alone he would snap it up in a heartbeat. But we haven't seen the inside yet...so, I explained how I really do like it (which is much more than what I gave for the place we're currently in), which surprised and pleased him.
There's only a couple of things from the outside that seem to be fixer-uppers but they're very easy to fix. There's an overgrowth of ivy around the front steps and the wood for the steps needs to be replaced.
Tomorrow hopefully the beau will be able to pick up a key and be able to take a look at the place itself. Right now I am REALLY hoping this place works out for all because it really feels right to me. *crossing fingers* Wish me luck!
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Saved!
I just finished watching my newest Netflix movie I've recieved. I have to say that although I've been wanting to see "Saved!" for a long time that it definitely exceeded my expectations.
I know I have a fondness for teen flicks but this one is just excellently written and the story makes a whole lot of sense. The characters throughout were well played and meaningful. By that I mean, I think each of the main players had an almost equal amount of "meaningful" airtime. The movie was just great and it's on my "to buy" list now.
I even teared up in a couple of parts.
So yeah, it's almost 2:30am now so I guess I should be heading to bed soon. But considering I slept in till almost 5pm this isn't that bad a bedtime. So night all!
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Just Call Me Gimpie
The good news is that my foot is doing better now. It still gives me some grief but I think it's going to be an ongoing thing in my life. Have always had issues with my right foot, in general, hurting after long days on my feet and was always asking the beau to massage it or touch it because it always made it feel better.
The pain I was feeling for the last 2 weeks has pretty much alleviated, but my feet are now succumbing earlier in the day to that general hurt that I've had for a long time. Maybe it's time to actually check out what my career options are in the sitting world. Maybe so many years working on my feet is taking a toll. Heck, a wheelchair would be nice right about now too.
It's not a biggie though.
I ended up sleeping till about 5pm today. I was probably catching up on that night of sleep that I had lost Monday night setting up the outlet transition from outlet to retail. I would normally be kicking myself for losing such a long part of the day to sleep but it felt good and it was probably needed. So I won't be so hard on myself.
I plan on starting back at the gym on Monday and at least working my upper body and abs. I'll have to see how my feet are holding up to handle any leg routines. I've missed going to the gym.
I also have gotten a phone call on Thursday from an old friend. It's a long story and I think I'll tackle it tomorrow. Hugs to all!
The pain I was feeling for the last 2 weeks has pretty much alleviated, but my feet are now succumbing earlier in the day to that general hurt that I've had for a long time. Maybe it's time to actually check out what my career options are in the sitting world. Maybe so many years working on my feet is taking a toll. Heck, a wheelchair would be nice right about now too.
It's not a biggie though.
I ended up sleeping till about 5pm today. I was probably catching up on that night of sleep that I had lost Monday night setting up the outlet transition from outlet to retail. I would normally be kicking myself for losing such a long part of the day to sleep but it felt good and it was probably needed. So I won't be so hard on myself.
I plan on starting back at the gym on Monday and at least working my upper body and abs. I'll have to see how my feet are holding up to handle any leg routines. I've missed going to the gym.
I also have gotten a phone call on Thursday from an old friend. It's a long story and I think I'll tackle it tomorrow. Hugs to all!
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