What a Holiday

Just a quick note to say how my holiday went.

Saturday at my uncle's went well. We missed out last year because the message of the date and time came too late for me to request off at work. Everyone was so happy for the beau and I making it this year, although a few made it sound like it was my choice or that I did not do enough to come out. They didn't say that really, but I can sense it in the undertones of some things they said. But otherwise it was a great evening. My sister acted a fool, like always. My aunt made a wonderful meal of ham and all the fixings.

Christmas Eve we hosted a party at our new home. The beau's mother, my parents and sister, and the roomie's parents all came by and we all had a huge dinner. It was odd having all our parents there because they just seemed to be from different lifestyles and generations. I think it was a humbling experience for my dad. My parents loved the place and my dad liking it really surprised me. Usually, he's the first one with criticisms but everything out of his mouth was positive. The night ended with the roommate's boys opening all their gifts with the central gift being a game table with pool, air hockey and ping-pong options. I might just make use of that. : P

We also deep-fried our first turkey. Twas quite an experience. Went rather smoothly considering I was bombarding the beau with "what ifs." Quite tasty I have to say as well. I'm not sure I'm gonna say it was worth all the money we spent to prepare for it, but the experience did.

Christmas day we went to the beau's family dinner and it went well also. His sister's boys are growing up fast...already 19 and 21. Time flies.

We then proceeded onto my family's official dinner. Not really anything special. A decent dinner my sister made, not great...a whole lot of canned foods. The atmosphere was a complete turn-around from years past though. Everyone was in a pleasant and cheerful mood. It's usually awkward for some reason, but everything was my relaxed.

This holiday I came out with a lot of money for gifts. I'm kind of disappointed at that considering I'm probably going to be using it for bills. Bah, I'd rather get a tea-cozy or a gift card...so I don't have to feel this need to use the cash for responsible needs.

The highlight gift actually came from my dad this year. I asked for a mini-fridge for our new home and by gosh he got one. I haven't seen it yet because he didn't bring it to my mom's due to the rain. But whatever the size or shape, it will definitely be useful! We're going to run by his house sometime tomorrow with the beau's truck to pick it up.

Sorry for the quick post without a whole lot of description. I need to be heading to bed soon. Have to be at work at 4am in the morn. It's funny, the holiday decorations went up immediately after Halloween but can't stay out a hair after the 25th.

Oh wells, hope you all had a great holiday!!

Thursday December 20th

I love when you pay for a trail/breakfast mix and what you really get is raisins with a little bit of something else tossed in there.

But anyways, I got alot of cleaning and chores finished yesterday. Everything bill-wise came to a halt with me because the beau needs to have a hand finishing them.

Financial times are going to be tough I know that much. After shelling out the large sum we needed for the deposit and prorated rent for the month last week, we only had my meager check to pay for what should have been paid last week. And I only say meager becuase my check is the one that gets all the insurance taken out of it...so it's definitely the lower of the two. *sigh*

Needless to say we're going to be living on bird crumbs. Well, really we're not because I went grocery shopping. But because I went grocery shopping we're going to be living with like nothing until the beau's next check. I had to sit and meditate after realizing what I had done. We did need the food since I had not been food shopping in ages it seems like.

On the brighter side I did get our part of the house super clean. I mopped, vacuumed, and dusted and it really didn't feel like it took all that much time. Having the actual room to get about and easily clean everything totally makes a difference versus tripping and climbing over all kinds of things trying to achieve the same.

I'm back on my regular gym schedule starting monday of this week and it feels great. The gym I moved to is not as busy as the others and so I get quality time with all my favorite machines, benches and dumbbells.

I got to be heading to work here in a second. Wish me luck in this coming week and bring me wishes of great fortune ^^

Checking Your Cards

ahh... finally back into a regular pattern of living. The majority of boxed necessities have been unpacked and my life has begun to take back some normalcy.

We finished moving things about Wednesday and then spent the rest of the week up until Friday cleaning the new place. We, meaning the beau and I, the roomie only came to the house on the Wednesday. She did a lot that day but still it was kinda minuscule compared to what the beau and I ended up doing. Same thing for the moving process. But I'm not worried about that whole ordeal. We're in a better place and a better way of life. It's going to be more expensive but it definitely feels better. Both in my everyday, personal, and spiritual life.

From Friday on it's been basically me unpacking and building the beau and mine's space in the house. He dealt with the electronics and I've dealt with everything else. Which I don't mind considering it's what I like to do. I'm the one who's supposed to know where everything is and so it just makes sense.

I can't tell you how long it's been since I've felt this much personal space...well, I guess I could. Since April of last year when we moved into the small house with the roomie and the boys. Love them, but as in the words of the roomie, having everyone "on top of each other" wasn't very conducive to good feelings in the house. The whole place felt liked a brewing volcano and you all can probably relate to that with the whole meltdown the beau and I had. We almost broke up and split during our time in that house. It just goes to show that it really does depend on situation how people deal with things. In this new place, with the great open personal space that is separated from the others we are connecting much like we used to.

We may not be interacting with the roomie and the kids as much as we used to because we have the advantage of being able to close a door and still be able to enjoy anything that we want, but they have a considerable amount of control over their part of the house now too. It's now up to them how they decide to take advantage of that considering the beau isn't there to make a considerable impact on most of it. The roomie confided to me that she is happy with the move so I'm confident that everything is all well.

Our pup, T.J., couldn't be happier. A wide expanse of land to run around in and without the need for scolding. She has a large expanse of area to run and play and explore and I don't have to worry about her running into the road or someone's yard. So nice.

Tonight became a "Survivor: China" finale party for me. This has been my favorite season since "Cook Islands". I am SO happy Todd won, he totally deserved it. If I were in his shoes I would have played it the same exact way. I'm the smallest and I wouldn't be winning too many physical challenges. He played the mental and game portion to the T and I commend him for that. I'm a kindred spirit and wish Todd well.

I am just so thrilled to be able to start my everyday activities again. I can go back to my regular workout schedule and not the sporadic one I've been working with since beginning the move. I can come straight home and not have to worry about going to the other place to load, pack or clean. I don't have to worry about calling places to change my address or let multitudes of people know where they can find me.

It's a good feeling. And from the great energy I'm feeling from the place, I believe we'll be here for a long time. The beau and I have had the best energy between us and I've actually been able to reach a state of calm that I have not been able to reach for a very long time. My mind has been able to focus and free itself of all outside distractions. It's been very hard to that with an 8 and 9 year old moping, whining and complaining.

I'm thankful for this place and how it's changed my life and outlook in such a short amount of time. Alot of times it just proves that it may not be your relationship at odds, just the situation you are in. Make sure to look at all your cards before you play them. ^^

Moving- Days Three through Six

Well, let me tell you that moving the majority of two separate families items from that small house has been a bigger task than even I have suspected. Monday and Tuesday we worked to finish up the garage full of items and then moving a lot of the bulk stuff for the roomie and her boys. These days both the beau and I were working during the day, so we were not able to get to the moving till later in the evening.

Wednesday comes along and I had planned to have the day off because the cable guy was supposed to be coming to turn on the cable, phone and internet here at the new place. The set time was supposed to be between 1-3pm. I set up one load at the other house and came back to the new house (we had planned on being able to sleep in the new house that night), set up everything accordingly for the beau and unpacked some things while awaiting the arrival of the beau around 9am or so.

The beau gets there about 930ish and he sets up the electronics I sat out for him so that we can make sure the cable and junk works when it is finished. By the time we're finished with all our tasks, we see it's 1130 and we're not sure we can get to the old house, load up, and be back within an hour and a half. I unpack some more and the beau goes out to blow leaves, fix the toilet and lubricate some squeaky hinges.

Long story short on this day, the cable guy was supposed to be here between 1-3pm.

3pm came and no cable guy.
I call cable company to find out what's going on.
As I'm on hold I get a beep from an unknown number.
I don't answer it since I'm hold.
Nice lady I'm talking to tells me that the person is going to be between 30-45min late.

I think to myself, it's already 3oclock and past the two hour grace period given. I'm a schedule-minded person myself and I'm going crazy at this point. This is my last day off this week and the day I was meant to get a load of moving done! I've been here since 1130 waiting on the guy and it's now 3pm and no sign of him.

The dude finally shows at around 4ish.
Takes till close to 8pm to get everything finished with all the weird wiring around the place.

Recap.

My day off meant to be moving tons of stuff was spent from 1130-8pm under the spell of the cable guy. The beau had to be there because he has all the technical know-how and knows what needs to be done, and I had to be there because the account's in my name and I had to sign for the thing when it was finished. So *sigh*, we were both stuck.

I was nearly crying by the end of this whole stint because I thought there was no way in heck we'd get back to the old house, load up all our beds and be able to clean up and sleep in the new place.

Frustrated with the total waste of a day off I had, I was so aggravated that everything that I had planned to get done was so feebly taken over by something I thought was so simple as turning on the cable.

I end up deciding to call my superior at work and see if he'll give me tomorrow off to do what I couldn't get done on that day.

I was so in luck because he totally let me have it off.

Thursday.

The beau is tired and needs some additional rest before running out to the house again. He's had three back surgeries and today's main task consists of the refridgerator and washer/dryer. Not easy on the back to say the least.

We get to the house and load up a ton more than what I had expected to get at such a late time. And by the time I'm sitting here typing this we have pretty much everything of substantial importance here and in use. It feels good.

I'm very lucky to have my hard-working beau, co-workers who can understand the rare real-life concerns I may have, and the focus I have in organization and planning things out.

I really need to head to bed as I need to be at work at 6 and this will be the first time I've tried making the trip from the new place.

Thanks for reading the post. Not too insightful, just a retelling of the highlights of the past few hellacious days.

Moving- Day Two

Officially this should probably be "moving- day three" but friday I spent most of the day just packing and didn't really move anything at all. Saturday we got most of those things out, as you read.

Forgive me as I'm just a tad bit delirious. I waited till after moving all day, coming home, running out to the store, picking up dinner, watch "America's Most Smartest Model", "The Amazing Race 12", "Desperate Housewives", and "The Shot" before typing this. I technically should be in bed right now considering I have to be up by 5am but what the heck. I need to keep my updates going. lol. I just didn't think about it till right now.

Today went really well. We finished up the cleaning out the garage and then added in getting alot of the boys' things moved over there. We also cleaned out the roomie's and most of our closets as well. It doesn't sound like much but I wish I really had got a picture of our garage and the multitude of things that were living there. Hopefully, at our new much larger space they will find life past sitting in a cold space.

I am so excited that my comic books get to come back out in the open. They've been living in boxes insider our closet for these past months and it's been killing me. I can't wait to put them back on the shelves and be able to pull them out for re-reading.

We all have to go back to work tomorrow but we may end up moving more stuff tomorrow. Right now the plan is to do more packing in preparation for Tuesday evening moving. But we could also come in and start unpacking the items we've already put into place there. For me, personally, I can't see organizing anything until we move the items we use regularly. All we've really moved is the stuff that went into forced hibernation because of our space restrictions.

I let the beau know that once all our regular stuff is in place. Then, the extra un-needed items can be worked into the space. Doesn't make much sense to do it without that. Although I could stand to work some closet-management. Many of the things may end up living there so designating space would be advantageous early.

But, seriously I may spend most of tomorrow packing some more. I have a ton of books to pack up. Finish cleaning up the closet and packing up the computer desk and my work area. Long days ahead indeed.

Moving - Day One

Today we officially started our move to the new house. While the beau was off to pick up the truck to do the moving, I slept in a tad and then cleaned the dishes. Just after I finished he popped back in with the vehicle and we went to empty the garage as the first order of business.

Having a couple and a mother with two kids in the small house that we were sharing forced us to keep alot of our packed stuff stored in the house's single car garage. It is truly the rougher of all the rooms to move as there is a ton of stuff there. We got over 2/3rds of the whole thing done today and all the bulk stuff. We're very proud of our progress. I've never seen the garage this empty since we first moved in.

We arrived at the house and a friend of the beaus was there helping the owner load up the few things of his left inside the house. They were talking about some things and I let TJ out and let her wander the area. This is the first time she'd been to the new place since we've had a key.

She first visited it when we were just getting a feel for whether we wanted to pursue the place or not. As soon as she found the beau and was content that he knew she was there, she went zipping all over the place. Traveling all around the house, exploring the yard and deck. When she went inside it was so cute. She checked every room and nook in the house. When she found a window she'd look through it. When there was a door, she'd go through it. It was so funny. But I think she approves.

We started to unload it all. Most of the stuff stayed inside the new garage but there were a few things of ours that we were able to pull into our new bedroom. The bedroom at the old place was quite small for us and a bit of our furniture had to live in the garage.

Here, the master bedroom is as large as our old living room and dining room combined. Plus, our walk-in closet is HUGE (my favorite thing about the house). I'm actually planning on getting an ottoman to set inside so that we can sit and dress inside. It'll be so much more convenient!

These few things mentioned earlier found homes in various parts of our new room and it started to feel like home even more. There's an old blue couch the beau has had for ages and we were finally about to bring it out of it's forced retirement. Sitting in it together again felt real good. The move definitely feels right.

The house itself is 2400sq ft. compared to about 1200sq ft at the old place, we're essentially doubling our living space. The beau and I can enjoy private time within the confines of our own space (which is really a small apartment in it's own right), and the roomie and her kids have room to spread out and be able to do things without feeling like they're tripping over us and everything in their path. Very nice.

The yard itself is huge as well. Lots of trees surround the property and is just beautiful. Every inch of the yard is covered with leaves and it's a beautiful sight. The kids will have a great time in this yard and the seclusion will aid us in our sanity and love of the land. I can't wait to be able to extend my space out onto the deck and eventually onto the northern side of the yard. It is totally set up like it was just made for me and my plans!

And finally a pic of myself taken in front of our bedroom's bathrooms mirror. Our bathroom is the poo too. Nice large tub (might I mention I can actually soak in this tub unlike all the rinky-dink tubs I've experienced in all my other living environments) with sweet jet effects. dual sinks with a nice large mirror. Full-length mirrors on the back of the bedroom and closet doors. And heck, enough floor space in it that I'm planning on getting a mini-fridge to store our spirits and mixers so that the roomie and kids don't have to work around them. I'm so super excited and wish I was already in it.

Only bad part of the day was that my knee injury showed it's ugly head during the process. When the weather drastically changes from warm to cool rather quick, my knee will act up and feel like it's gonna pop from the backside. Back in elementary school, I was playing basketball during phys.ed. and ended up tripping and falling straight onto my knee. It's acting up more now than before. After my rest tonight, it'll be fine.

But alas, we have a few more days of moving. I will have to be a bit more patient and know that by this coming Wednesday we should be sharing our new home together.

On the Brink

Tomorrow officially starts the grand move to the new place. I am super excited about all the options coming with the extra space this home will give us. I won't be naive to the fact that finances may be tight going into this but I know we'll get through it.

I've done quite a bit of packing today and will be for the next few days. Happily the packing won't be as much as last time considering the place we're in is kinda small and we really didn't unpack a whole lot, the extra unimportant stuff has still ben sitting in the garage over this time. We'll finally be able to bring the board games out again!

Being back at the gym has made me feel great! My body is reacting great to the shock and my confidence and sanity is back. It's wonderful the effect and hour of lifting will do for stress.

Since the roomie is on a road trip to pick up her boys from their father in Wisconsin, and the beau was at work today...I was able to have a day by myself. I practically spent the day naked and loved every minute of it.

I totally would be au natural all the time if I could. It's comforting and just...natural.

When the beau came home we went out for a great dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. I still ate well, but had a great change from the ordinary. We then went to a local store to look for reading glasses. He got him a pair and I picked up a pair of sunglasses for my glasses. They fit so well despite my frames being oval and them being a rectangle. Much better than the clip on sunglasses I've been using. If I put them on too low the ends of the clips tickle my nose and I hate that.

I'm still looking for a piece of furniture to act as my new altar at the new place. I want it to feel perfect..but sadly perfect has to be within a certain price range. It's hard working on a budget but I'll do it. Now that I have a distinct altar area at the new place, my dresser just isn't going to do. Here's hoping the moves go well and all falls into line!

Tomorrow's the Day

Whether I like it or not, tomorrow is going to be the day I start back on my lifting. I went into a slump after I hurt my foot during my vacation and, like usual, I've found it hard to get back into the routine. But once I start again I will be back full force.

I had to bring my workout bag inside to change out my workout clothes as this is the first I've been to the gym when It's been legitimately cold and had to switch from shorts to sweatpants of some kind. I purposefully planted my car keys in the side pouch of my gym bag so I don't forget it in my haste.

I always find a great inspiration when friends or coworkers notice my efforts in the gym and I recently talked with an online friend who enjoys the fact that I work out and it's prompted me that much further to work. My partner is great but they could care less whether I work out or not. I do enjoy the eventual comment that the work I'm doing is worthwhile and this person just made me want to work that much more.

I don't think I've lost all that much of my definition. I know my chest has softened some as that is one of the hardest spots for me to gain considering how small I am. I will put some extra focus on it, my back and shoulders as they are my hard-gainers. I can't wait actually.

I've added other focuses in my life as well since coming back from vacation so it will be interesting how I incorporate them as well as my workout regimine. Wish me luck out there, you've all been great and supportive. I appreciate that!

Back in the Game As Well

So yeah, it's been a while. It's actually been because of particular parts of my personality. When I came back from my vacation trip to Nashville, I hard hurt my foot pretty bad during a sight-seeing walk we had taking and I had been wearing the wrong type of shoes. So upon my arrival back my regular workouts had to be halted because I could barely stand on my foot after dealing with being on it at work.

At this point at work I had also accepted a temporary position at work. During the holidays I am to be acting as the sole merchandiser for our $8million a year store and that's alot of hard work, stress, and pressure. When my foot wasn't hurting, I was emotionally spent from work. Since that time I think I've been to the gym about 3 times. And thus I fell back into the spiral of making excuses for not going to the gym, and even worse taken back on my bad eating habits.

Well, I'm ready to give myself a quick kick in the ass and continue up where I've left off. I hope that you all will welcome me back as I take up the reigns again. I'll post my starting measurements here in a few. I'm kinda scared to take a look considering what I had put in before.

I also think alot of the stress and emotional weight I've been experiencing here at home and at work has been because of my lack of not being at the gym to relieve all that. I've been an emotional wreck... especially in the last 3 weeks or so.

So, I'm sticking to my guns, my word and my future self.

Sweet Escape

Monday is the only time I REALLY sit down and watch television. Sure I watch a show or two on a daily basis but it's not really a have-to, I have Tivo...I can watch things when I can. But on Mondays... yeah there's no getting around it. Even with it recorded I have to watch this particular string of shows back to back and in their time frame. No questions or I'm disappointed.

It's funny how one will want an escape from the real world at times. To just sit back and temporarily forget all that's going on and dwell in the imagination. Only temporarily though, we can't forget our responsibilities. I connect with these shows in different ways. It's like seeing bits of my personality played our in front of my eyes.

It's even more needed now. This is my first holiday being the sole merchandiser for the store. Normally in the past I've just had a couple of departments or even just one department to work with. Back in the days when we had a Lead for each department. Ah the good old days when each department had a faithful attendant 40-hrs a week. Now with all the full-time and management cuts there's only a sole merchandiser for the whole store. Holiday is a crazy season. Getting shipped tons and tons of items for potential sale to gift-buying individuals. The inventory has been rather okay this round, just the short times between new books and new merchandise and presentations has left minute times to sell through the old (relatively speaking). Ah, the schizophrenic world of retail.

So an escape such as this is very much welcome. Every Monday is my escape day where I put nothing on my agenda after work (unless I decide to go the gym as well) and prepare my day for these shows. A night for me.

I thought about naming the shows but it's all relative. Some may not like or get them and it could ruin the post for some, which would totally miss the meaning. If you all want to, you can guess the shows. ^^ Given what most know about me already some could probably pinpoint them all and give a reason as to why. Anyways, it's close to bedtime. Have a good night all!

Note to self: I've recently found I use the word "really" quite a lot. During essay writing and blogging I find myself re-reading and editing around the multitudes of "really"'s I use. So my apologies if I've missed a couple hundred.

Back in the Fray

I know, I know, it's been quite a while since I posted. I'm going to ignore the whole catching up phase of blogging. Although I will say the beau has not made much progress in settling the deal on the house. Supposedly him and and the owner are going out to see the place tomorrow (which I've heard multiple times lately) and determine the work that needs to be done and for what price we'll be renting the place.

Work has been extremely frantic, in fact at times I've felt I'm going to tear my hair out, cry and go crazy all at the same time. Being the sole moves coordinator for seven departments during holday AND peak time for book and inventory changes can be extremely stressful. So I helped myself to a bit of meditation and a tad of drink today. Part of me thinks I need to get out now, the other says just bust through this and it'll lighten up after holiday. We'll see how well I hold up.

TJ went through quite a life-changing ordeal in that she hurt her back right knee jumping off the porch a week or so ago. We took her to the vet and it seems it's a heriditary thing in her dacschund (sp?) lineage. She's going to be fighting problems with her knees and leg joints for the rest of her life. It's so sad to see her hobbling around, not using her back leg. Makes me feel like I've failed her somewhat...but according to the vet it's nothing I could've prevented. It had to happen sometime. Now it's just an ordeal keeping her from dancing or begging. Anything against what we've taught her formerlly to keep her from putting pressure on her back leg joints. I'm currently looking for some doggy steps so that she doesn't have to leap on our bed anymore. She's barely makeing it anymore.

There's been a change in relationship for me personally between the roommate and her boys. She asked us to basically let her boys do as the wish and just inform her if they do anything wrong without putting in our own punishments. So that's how I'm acting now. I've taken a step back and I'm not going to try to instill my values or moral values on them.. They're good kids, but she's a very "modern" parent...talking about things, and giving time outs. Not that her way isn't valid, but her boys are at an age where those things don't mean much. They've learned to agree to things that they're not going to live up to get through a conversation, and to know that being neglected of certain things for a night is not too bad a thing. The biggest thing with me is that they have a certain disrespect for their mother. Don't get me wrong, on the whole they're great boys and awesome when in public places. But put them out of public and they know exactly how to take advantage of their mom. And that irks me to no ends. But upon her wish, she wants us to take a step back and let her discipline the kids. So I'm stepping back from "family" mode and stepping back into the "couple/mom with kids" mode I formally adopted when we first moved in together.

That's it in a nutshell, other than the fact of my studies but I want to cover that in another post, good night and sorry for my absence!

So Worth It

Today was a pretty decent day. Work was stressful, big shipments and I've spent eons working in the Men's department. I literally could feel the stress on my body today. Not that I'm overexerting myself, just pushing myself to some limits to which I've predisposed myself. I'm not totally sure I'll make it through holiday unscathed and in one mental piece but I'll make it. I practiced centering myself thoughout the day and especially on the way home. I hate leaving without the feeling of completion, and I didn't get done what I wanted today.

The high point of the day was taking the roomie and her boys out to see the actual insides of the house and see how it played out with her. She was very highspirited and enthusiastic about the move and if anything we may be moving by month's end. Her workload is going to be increasing around December through January and if we're doing it she wants it to be soon.

Exciting and scary at the same time, considering we just moved to this place in April. But there is also a great concensus that we all feel more comfortable with this place. I was smitten and comfortable from the beginning, even before seeing the inside. The beau has the same feeling as I and the roomie feels very good and comfortable with the place and the possibilities it has. She mentioned that she has never felt comfortable yet in our current place, which is the same way the beau and I feel. Really we've had our worst feuds (and really our only, heck we almost separated ways here, which has never happened before) in this place. I won't be sad to see it go.

The new place is going to be more expensive but hopefully in the end it'll be all worth it. I think it will. So at this point it's pretty much a definite. I might as well start packing and tying up the ends here on this place.

It'll be nice.

A Rush of Emotion

Today was a day off for me. I slept in till 1ish and I felt very good when I awoke. Spent about an hour and ahalf online messing around in the bedroom and then needed to take TJ out to relieve herself.

As soon as I opened the door, this rush of negativity seemed to hit me. I'm not sure what it was but it was rough. After taking the puppy out I decided I needed to get away from here for now. I needed to pick up a journal and some drink anyway, so I made a hasty departure.

I ran some errands and for the most part caught my balance again. But it seemed this sadness crept into me. My chest was heavy and I felt like I was on the verge of tears for much of the rest of the day. There was a point where I was singing along with some Maroon 5 lyrics and literally almost busted out the tears.

I don't know what it was, but it got me. Overall it was an alright day though. I felt like I have gotten/am getting alot of things done although the checkbook balancing still needs to be done...but the beau is on the comp anyway.

Started studying Oberon Zell's book today and the handwritten journal I've started to keep seems to be permanent versus the online journals I've been working with. Handwriting it versus typing seems to be more fluid and solid. More emotive and meaningful in a way. Once you write something down with ink, it's still there no matter how much you scribble it out. A lot of power in the written word.

What I Deserve

It's funny the lessons that you can be shown and the circumstances in which they arise.

I had a pretty fulfulling day at work. I was finally able to put other things aside and actually do the job that I was prescirbed. After so many weeks of only being able to half do it, the process felt good. It only took a major move to make it necessary but I'm not complaining.

The biggest part of today though happened later in the evening...after I had watched "America's Most Smartest Model" and finished off with "Desperate Housewives."

When I came home, I ate dinner with the beau and watched whatever it was the beau was watching and enjoyed it with him. After dinner, I moved over to my viewing spot and watched my Tivo'd "Smartest Model" and then proceeded to do some reading online. I watched the mandatory "Housewives" and then went to the bedroom to do some reading. Since I've been away from the Craft for so many years I really needed time to read and gather my sensibilities about me. Not sure if that makes sense, but it allows me to to reconfirm ties I once had and connections I'd forgotten.

But anyways, my last hour before bed I was wanting to read. I go into the bedroom, light up some incense and start to cue up some ambient music on Itunes Radio. Even when I was in college these two things really allowed me to focus whenever I was studying.

The beau then comes into the bedroom and states that he's going to bed. I think that's alright because he's come into the room before with the same request while I was reading and he'd just lay down and go to sleep and I'd continue on my deed till I finished it.

Just a note, because of the person I am I like to keep a "to do list" in my head of things I want to get done before I'll give myself the privelage of sleeping. I'd done everything up to this point other than my reading.

So... I lit the incense and I was cueing up the music and he comes out of the bathroom and says that's it's alright if I'm reading but "this has to go." Indicating the overhead light. The only other light source in the room is the parlor light next to his side of the bed and so this makes reading in the room that much harder if not impossible.

Then he says..."or you can just go to bed with me." And I'm umm..."no, I'm reading." This is what I want to be doing this later and I'm doing it. I pick up my incense and book and move into the now empty living room.

I sit down, set up my music, incense and open my book. The puppy then begins to look at me with those big puppy eyes and begins to whine. A sure indication she needs to go out. I'd only taken her out maybe 2 hours ago and so now I'm frustrated.

I take her out and really am treating her like the warden bringing their prisoner out for a mandatory respite out to civilization. I stand on the porch with my flashlight and lightly scold her for not getting on the grass immediately and then I catch myself and stop to think.

I know I've just been inconvenienced a couple of times in the last hour or so....but why take it out on them...they're in their rights. It is 11pm and the beau needs to be up in the morning, so it's probably best that the lights are off for him...and the pup hasn't #2'd for me all day, maybe it's that time... (and it was).

I just had to get over myself and what I think I deserve versus what it is going on with the people and animals I love around me.

I spent so much time later in my relationship with the beau concentrating on what I've sacrificed on my part for our relationship, that sometimes I concentrate too hard on regaining it and forget the responsibilities and courtesies that still need to be expressed in a relationship. Even with my puppy.

I've been blessed these few weeks with insights. Whether they're from myself being more open or a cordial slap to the face by the Goddess, I have recognized where I'm at fault just now.

I may have sacrificed parts of my former life, but I can't forget that I share a life with other individuals and to deny them their general wishes because I'm trying to ragain my past is not right of me. i need to make better use of my time so that I can get my "list" done and still accomodate the basic wishes of those around me.

Quick Note

I just wanted to get a note out and say that I'm sorry for being WAY behind in my blog reading! It's just been constant stuff here. The beau has been so active this week that it's throwing off my routines lol, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

We took the roomie and the boys out to see the house. Not exactly sure how she feels about it just yet but I think it went alright. The guy who owns the house is out-of-town at the moment...so no key. We still couldn't see the inside too well, but at least it was daylight this time round and we got a better idea of the layout and what some of the rooms looked like. I still have a very bright outlook about the place.

My foot seems to be MUCH better and so YAY, back to the gym tomorrow!

Now off to reading blogs!

No Place Like Home

It's really funny how things work out sometimes.

As you all know, currently my beau and I are sharing a 3BR house with a friend and her two boys. It belongs to a friend of the roommate's and he's turned out to be a bigger hindrance than originally we had planned. Complaining if the grass is a little overgrown or if there's more vehicles in the driveway than he would like to be there. We know it's his right to oversee things, but the beau and I came into this situation thinking he was an "easygoing" guy (per the roomie). And he's even surprised her.

During this last "warning" (which is the first), the Gods would have it that a friend/co-worker of my beau's has a ranch house to rent-to-own and wants to fill before the winter comes. This wasn't just a happenstance, the co-worker actually seeked my beau out and asked him about it. The beau wasn't so sure about it upon seeing some pictures, but with the freshly drawn image of having to move his precious old Ford truck because the landlord thinks it's "been sitting there for weeks and needs to be gone"... decided to ask me if I wanted to take a look at the place, and I said sure. I'm not thrilled with the idea of moving again, nor moving again AND sharing a space with kids again. But I was open.

We went out there and let me tell you it was like the Goddess was whispering in my ear. It's a decent size rancher house. We only got to see the outside for now as the beau didn't have a key yet.

There's a long wrap-around COVERED porch around the front door. Nice and secluded in location with trees all around and plenty of lush greenery. Lots of open area and I could just ENVISION making myself an outdoor space at the northface of the yard. It makes me giddy, teary, and almost nervous at the same time. Standing on the deck and looking out at all the nature just FELT right. Like this was where I was meant to be.

My empathetic side tends to get the best of me at times and if the beau knew how desperately I want the place now for that alone he would snap it up in a heartbeat. But we haven't seen the inside yet...so, I explained how I really do like it (which is much more than what I gave for the place we're currently in), which surprised and pleased him.

There's only a couple of things from the outside that seem to be fixer-uppers but they're very easy to fix. There's an overgrowth of ivy around the front steps and the wood for the steps needs to be replaced.

Tomorrow hopefully the beau will be able to pick up a key and be able to take a look at the place itself. Right now I am REALLY hoping this place works out for all because it really feels right to me. *crossing fingers* Wish me luck!

Just Call Me Gimpie

The good news is that my foot is doing better now. It still gives me some grief but I think it's going to be an ongoing thing in my life. Have always had issues with my right foot, in general, hurting after long days on my feet and was always asking the beau to massage it or touch it because it always made it feel better.

The pain I was feeling for the last 2 weeks has pretty much alleviated, but my feet are now succumbing earlier in the day to that general hurt that I've had for a long time. Maybe it's time to actually check out what my career options are in the sitting world. Maybe so many years working on my feet is taking a toll. Heck, a wheelchair would be nice right about now too.

It's not a biggie though.

I ended up sleeping till about 5pm today. I was probably catching up on that night of sleep that I had lost Monday night setting up the outlet transition from outlet to retail. I would normally be kicking myself for losing such a long part of the day to sleep but it felt good and it was probably needed. So I won't be so hard on myself.

I plan on starting back at the gym on Monday and at least working my upper body and abs. I'll have to see how my feet are holding up to handle any leg routines. I've missed going to the gym.

I also have gotten a phone call on Thursday from an old friend. It's a long story and I think I'll tackle it tomorrow. Hugs to all!

Playing Catch Up Pt. 3

My first day back at work goes well for the most part. I find out that not only will my Logistics Manager be going to help transition a store's moving, but now our womens/girls moves coordinator is going to be acting as a temporary supervisor for her from November till they return after the move.

Which means.... I am going to be coordinating the whole store. Wow. That was a big surprise for myself. I'm up for the task but it's kind of intimidating at first considering I haven't had my hand in either of those departments really. I'll be alot better after playing in them for a bit and getting a "feel" and "sense of order" which is mine within them versus trying to work around the reasoning of another cooridinater.

My first 9 hr day went fine and my foot acting up a bit but nothing to be worried about.

T, my Logistics Supervisor, came up to me later in that day to ask if I could come help finish up our Outlet Transition to Retail in the Pigeon Forge store. At first I was hesitant, but after finding out that they were supposed to be opening that next morning and were desperate for help I figured it would be best for me and my potential work career to give them a hand. Especially since our DM asked me if I'd work it weeks before.

So I work a 8-5pm shift at my store, 3 of us head out at 5:30ish and get there at about 6:20ish. We're there until almost 4am. I basically single-handidly set up their marketing and promotion signage while I was there. A big undertaking and I got a number of compliments on my work. Bad thing was, that going into my almost 18 hours of working straight on my feet my problem foot from the previous weeks began to give me a ton more problems. I was basically hobbling through the place, but I'm astute and get the job done. So much pain though.

So we leave, and it's about 530ish am by the time I get home. I have to be at work at 8am and there's no way I'll wake up if I fall asleep...so I make a pot of coffee and go into work without sleep. It wasn't all that bad if it weren't for my foot.

I get through that day and manage to stay awake for what is possibly 28ish hours. My foot is killing me by the time I got home that day. I was a mess. I didn't understand why it was hurting after being so good during the last wee. I cried quite a bit, held onto the beau for support, and got sloshed.

Today was alright as well. My foot is still giving me problems. I don't take medicine but I found myself buying tylenol (which I have never done in my life...ever) and taking the medication. I can, according to my stunningly slow injury perceptance, finally classify this as a chronic pain which I probably need to have looked at.

The beau thinks I have a stress fracture of some sort...and I just don't know. I want to think it's just some over-stressed muscles in my foot that just doesn't want to let go. I haven't made any moves yet, but I may soon.

Also, Jay if you were wondering why I haven't updated the workout chart in a bit, my gimp foot is the reason. Waiting for it to clear up before I can have a chance to focus on the workout routine. It makes me so sad that I haven't been in the gym for over a week. I so want to be there.

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To finish up this Catch Up post, I want to say how excited I am about this fall tv line-up. "Heroes" is back and with a shirtless Milo for most of his appearance of the second episode.....SO YUM! But loving "Heroes".

So great to see "How I Met Your Mother", "Biggest Loser", "Survivor: China", and I'm welcoming some newcomers..."Pushing Daisies" and "The Big Bang Theory". Although I'm sorely missing "The Class" since TBBT is in it's former time-spot. I'm hoping it wasn't cancelled, but it probably was. Boo.

Hopefully that catches me up and I hope you all aren't mad at me for all the posts you need to read all about me. Sheesh....I'm making it hard.

But seriously, sorry for the wait and please, wish me good fortune with the healing of my foot. ^^

Playing Catch Up Pt. 2

My second vacation week was very relaxed. The first week was almost depressing for me. I wanted to have my hands in something. I couldn't deal with not having anything to do, and that definitely showed in my depressive post just before my break here. Kind of work withdrawal. I'm kind of glad I wrote that, it really shows some things I'm usually afraid to talk about.

So the second week flew by like a hurricane. After coming back from our trip to Nashville, I was much more laid-back and just enjoyed that silent symphony of not having a darn thing to do and still getting paid for it.

What I did mainly was catch up on my Final Fantasy XI playing. Anyone who plays video games will have at least a general idea of what the Final Fantasy series is and XI is the online version of their game. I finally got my Beastmaster to 65 and am super excited about that, means my Maat fight will be coming in a few levels. This probably didn't make sense to many of you and that's alright. That's a silent accomplishment for me and I like to remember it. If you'd like to hear more about my XI character just let me know ^^.

This next weekend we decided to take a Saturday trip to Cades Cover, over and around the Smoky Mtns. It was super beautiful. The traffic was annoying at times but overall it was fun and we managed another 5 or so chapters of HBP.

My foot had still been bothering me through this time and walking had become more of a chore than it should have been. At this point the pain has been kind of chronic and I'm starting to think something more than just impromptu pain may be going on.

Sunday, there's a day off and I relax and everything is cool for my first day back to work after a very relaxing two weeks off.

Playing Catch-Up Pt. 1

Has it really been that long?

Sadly it has and I'm sorry for that. I've been in weird place this last week or so and it was just odd. That's all I can say to describe it really.

I want to say it was that lack of responsibility during vacation time that got me behind. Then of course when the material for the blog started to back up and the potential for one HUGE post or multiple posts became apparent the procrastinator took over in me. I don't possibly have time for that big of a post.

Well, fresh from my vacation time and three days back into my workplace is where I'm picking up.

A quick synopsis of how my Nashville trip the weekend before last went:

- We arrived in Nashville about 5pm and made a stop in the Opry Mills mall. We walked around, ogled cute Nashvillian guys and did a lot shopping in the branch of my store that resides there. It was all for the beau this time around. He's always complaining about not having any clothes and that's because I can never drag him into a shopping situation on a regular basis because I don't make it a point to have to return something. He couldn't get away from it this weekend. Score, everything we got was for him. It tickled me.

- We ate at the local TGI Fridays in the mall and had this really cute and personable gay boi wait on us. It was his 3rd day and he missed up a few things. For one bringing my beau a Bahama Mama instead of a Cape Cod, his pre-meal salad was late, and he had to eat half his meal without a second drink...but,you know ... the kid handled it with grace and like I said, he was super personable and fun. So it made it all okay, fun AND memorable.

- We left the mall and quickly found ourselves a decently priced hotel room. Normally I'd have one already pre-planned but keeping in the spirit of this being an impromptu trip I figured we'd just let it all out. After setting the room up, we head out to a club I had found and heard good remarks about. I thought it had a great, young feel.

We didn't get to stay very long as the beau was super tired from the drive. We'd only been there maybe 2hrs tops. I wasn't too excited about that but then I shrugged it off and said, hey I'm on vacation...otherwise I wouldn't have been there in the first place. He also promised we'd make a trip back with rest time planned in so that made it all better for me.

- The next day we make a trip to downtown and proceed to make a 4 hour-ish trek looking at all statues, dedications, plaques, state buildings, etc. It was alright. This part was more for the beau since he enjoys this type of thing and he indulged me in mine the night before.

For lunch we partook a great little Italian place and I had a nice duo plate of lasagna and a grilled chicken parmesan. It was splendid, but of course it was heavy and I couldn't finish it all.

The rough part of the time was that by the end of our excursion my foot had begun to really hurt. We were almost to the car, and I'd began to limp pretty badly. The right side of my right foot kept having a shooting pain and was making it hard to place my foot flat. I'd ended up tip-toeing that foot also making the rest of that leg, especially my calf, work extra hard.

On the way back hom that weekend, we managed to put away about 7 chapters of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince". I've already read the book, but am trying to get the beau through it so that we can finally get to the final book. I've been very nice and haven't read it yet so that we can finish the series together. So no spoilers!

So this ends part 1 of my catch- up!